“Don’t listen to his words. Look within to see the truth.”
The story of Bas at Sat Yoga Ashram
Although my stay was very brief (in November 2018), it was a very intense experience. What was intended to be a stay of one month, became a stay of only three days in which a lot was revealed to me.
On the second day during the morning guided meditation I had a Kundalini awakening. Luckily I had read some information about it so I recognized the first symptom of a tingling sensation at the base of the spine, but nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen. As the energy rushed up through my body, I was pushed back in my seat. I wasn’t scared so I just let it happen. Besides at that point I felt safe, I’m in an Ashram and “my guru” is guiding me into this experience, this is meant to happen. After the experience I was in a state of bliss, I had to laugh and cry at the same time. At the very end I opened my eyes to make eye contact with Shunyamurti, and all I could see was irritation/anger. I felt guilty and ashamed that I had disrupted his lesson. The energy within me subsided again.
Later that evening it came back again (this is where it will get a bit weird) After the evening meditation the energy started flowing to specific body parts, if I surrendered my body to the energy it would move my body. First very subtly with small flowing movements of the head and hands, but during the night through the entire body and much more intensely. Again, I wasn’t fearful because I was in a state of bliss the whole time. I felt that everything that was happening to me was meant to happen and naively thought that Shunyamurti was in on it, and that soon all would be revealed, and it would, but not in the way I thought it would be.
During the morning meditation on the third day, the energy that had been building up in my body was in full display. I had brought a prehistoric megalodon shark tooth with me to the meditation (I found the tooth in the Atacama desert during my first awakening, I had brought it as a gift for Shunyamurti) All of a sudden the energy rushed through my body, pushing the tooth across the floor in a direction no one was sitting. I started to cry uncontrollably pointing at the tooth, then a rush of energy pushed me up and a feeling of bliss came over me as I laughed very loud. Then I collapsed on the floor.
Some helped me up and brought me back to my room. I was told that Shunyamurti would see me at 10am. At this point I had opened even more to the energy and I started channelling. Something was guiding me. I still thought I was in communication with Shunyamurti.
Then finally at 10am I was in a room facing the man I had come all this way to see. He told me I had scared the people of the ashram. He saw the tooth as a weapon and me pushing it as an attack on him (even though it was not towards him) and he also told me he was convinced that I was possessed. I told him I didn’t feel possessed, I felt blissful.
He said: “This is not how it goes.” (meaning enlightenment)
“How did it go for you?”: I asked.
Then the voice I had been hearing while channelling said to me: “Don’t listen to his words. Look within to see the truth.”
For a brief moment he looked a bit startled by my question, then as he spoke I let all of his words pass by me without giving them any attention and looked within. And all I could see was a man searching.
It was at that point quite unsettling and confusing to me, this man is not who I made him out to be?
In confusion I told him my dream that I had had of him a month prior to coming to Sat Yoga Institute, where I saw him in angelic light beckoning me to come over. A brief smile appeared on his face, but not a pleasant one, more like a smirk that I recognize as dupers delight. He said: “Maybe you came here because I can help you?”
I was given a choice; I could stay but then I would have to undergo an exorcism done by him or I had to leave.
I felt the bliss and I felt the confusion, I decided to go with the bliss and leave.
At the door he said: “I do not know what Karma you have, but now you will have to face it.”
After I left, the battle inside me continued, one moment I felt in bliss the other I felt I was possessed. It was at times a very scary experience, but also a very beautiful one. I ended up in the hospital for a few days, after which I was taken care of by a wonderful loving family just outside San Isidro.
It took me a while to see things more clearly. As I look back, I can only feel love and see perfection in everything that took place. Because I have always had a low self esteem, I have a tendency to put others, that I look up to, on a pedestal and see them as better than me. Which can potentially be dangerous if I give all of me power away to the wrong person.
For me, in the moment I looked within the man, I saw a man searching, I saw Robert, and Shunyamurti as just another ego persona.
He clearly knew nothing of what an actual Kundalini awakening entails. The one YouTube video on Sat yoga’s channel about Kundalini, clearly demonstrates this. In Shunyamurti’s mind Kundalini is very subtle and if it is not then it must be drugs. Only later did I learn about Kriya’s and how energy moves the body, a good spiritual teacher would have known this. And a truly enlightened person would not fear or try to instill fear in others.
Through his incompetence as a spiritual teacher, I came to the realization how I had blindly followed a man because of his silver tongue.
If he isn’t sure about something, he should just admit he doesn’t know. I hate to see someone else being told they are possessed, when going through a spiritual transformation.
The energy I opened up to during my time in Costa Rica is still with me today, although in a less intense form. And no, I am not possessed :)
Many friends and loved ones have commented to me that I was lucky, that nothing bad had happened. Some were angry with the ashram for their lack of responsibility and for Shunyamurti trying to instill fear in me.
I bear no one ill will, I feel blessed for the experience I had, it was the perfect reflection, that allowed me to lift yet another veil from my eyes.
So why write on this website?
If a friend had told me they were thinking of visiting the Sat Yoga Institute, I would have told them my experience that you have just read. If I would tell this to a friend than why not to a stranger?
If you’re thinking of visiting the Ashram only for a short while, know that even a short visit can have a big impact. You don’t need to become a full member of the Ashram to have a negative experience with a bad teacher like Shunyamurti. You might be falsely told something is wrong with you, fear might be projected on to you and the support you are looking for might not be given in your time of need.
I was blessed to be taken in by kind-hearted strangers, the Costa Rican family were my guardian angels. They were never afraid of me, brought me to the hospital, and took care of me after I was released. It showed me that it doesn’t matter how “learned” or “spiritual” someone is, God can only be found through the heart.